scurred.

Scurred = different way to be scared according to urbandictionary.com.

I'll admit it. I went to a therapist once upon a time. Yep, and no I'm not scared to admit that one. If you ever want to know why, that's another story. But in therapy, you quickly learn to acknowledge feelings. For me, I'd try to ignore them and then they'd come out in another way: anxiety. But now,  I just say I'm scared. Imagine the worst. Realize it's not that bad. And get over it. I'm not saying it's for everyone, it just works for me.

So now, I just admitted that I am scared about this little medical problem I have. Without divulging too much, I gain weight quickly and easily, and have a lot of symptoms that come with having too much androgen-type hormones. (The hormones that come from those little adrenal glands that sit on top of my kidneys - cortisol, aldosterone, female/male sex hormones). It's all fancy-shmancy endocrinologist type stuff. 

With moving and being put on birth control then taken off because they need to measure my hormones and yadda yadda, I'm finally artificial hormone-free x3 months and just got my results back. Nice thing is, it's not PCOS. Downer is I have to get an abdominal ultrasound. No, I'm not preggers.  Although it would be a darling baby if it had the Lucas family genes.

The ultrasound is a nice, friendly way of saying "let's make sure you don't have cancer" before they check other blood tests. Reality is, I probably don't. My DHEAS is 513, normal is around 300, and it's usually 600 or greater with a tumor. Yeah? Yeah.

Regardless, I think I have the human right to be a little scared. It's definitely a reminder of why I do what I do, and why I try to be understanding with difficult parents of my little patients. Medical things are scary. It's different from what our bodies should be doing.

It makes me a little bit more grateful to be a nurse. That I get to support the patient and family in a stressful situation for them.

Oh....and there's no underwear in this post. Sorry. Besides the fact that my adrenal glands are in relative position to the top of my undies. Happy fall!