I know there should be a part three to end the story. But I'm kind of sick of talking about it. You see, I thought it would be a good idea - that maybe I would be more validated for my decisions by talking about what happened.
For some reason I felt like I needed someone to agree there was emotional and verbal abuse throughout December and into January. Was there physical? No. There's never an excuse for it, but it opened my eyes up to how it can happen. Two people can be so toxic for each other, they stay together and that animosity escalates. Crazy what people can do to each other. What matters though is that I say it happened, even if no one else knows every single supporting story.
Ten months later, I have hindsight. I'm proud of myself for not letting that be my story for the next 5-10 years of my life. So often we sit back and let life happen to us. We let it happen and blame our circumstances, then fill our physical, spiritual, and emotional (oh don't forget mental) voids with something, anything. Substances. Habits. Food. Or more unhealthy relationships. We continue in that spiral for however long we choose.
Or....we fill it with positive choices. New hobbies. New ideas of thought. Uplifting people. Some sort of belief system that gives you hope for right now and for the future. It's different for everyone. And we may slip up, look back, and wonder if we could have done something else to change what happened. The classic words stuck in my head by therapist Fred Riley (shout out at the bottom) are: you can *should've* all over yourself. If you don't get it, say it fast. If you still don't get it, then you can ask me.
I've had my share of both the downward spiral and the upward in the past year. What matters now is I'm learning from it, and can handle anything else coming my way. Like I told my momma, the next man I end up with will either being completely amazing ... or take my house, car, and ALL of my money away. Hahaha.
I'm not perfect. I don't have lovey-dovey feelings towards the ex. It doesn't mean I haven't forgiven him. That part is between me and the man upstairs. So unless I feel like talking about watching the video with the police, or busting out a few choice words I never had before, these are my thoughts for today:
I owe the ex a million Thank-You's.
Thank you for making me a little less trusting. I am a million times more cautious and wise when it comes to relationships.
Thank you for teaching me to listen my gut and not ignore it.
Thank you for making me more willing to speak my mind. Feisty, if you will.
Thank you for helping me to appreciate all of the healthy, trusting relationships I have in my life. Namely with my family and a handful of close friends I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to have.
Thank you for reminding me that at the end of the day I am patient, loving, and forgiving.
Thank you for teaching me to give people a break. We all have our vice. I know I have mine.
Thank you for letting me be the lesson in your life.
Thank you for sending me on a whirlwind of even deeper lessons with myself 6 months after the fact.
Thank you for now letting me share my story in a way that helps me heal.
Thank you for letting me learn how to get back up.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to show just how gracious I really can be.
P.S. I owe so much to Fred Riley for helping me. He's an individual, family, and marriage counselor that is absolutely wonderful. And hilarious. Keep in mind you have to find a therapist you have the right "fit" with...I tried two before I started talking to Fred.
Happy Tuesday! And underwear posts will be back on after this weekend's festivities. Ragnar Relay #4...here I come.