Well, I was. For a week. In Maui...seriously gorgeous. I didn't think I could ever be in love with a piece of land, but it's true. True love. Clear, turquoise water, precious little sea turtles, perfect weather, mocha men with tattoos....seriously Shelly heaven.
I went with my bestie Lindsey (who lives in Dallas), and Lisa and Kate - nurses I work with. Funnest. Girls. Ever. We made time to relax on the beach every day and work on our tans...or my "peachiness" in my case. When we weren't laying out we rode bikes down Haleakala - huge dormant volcano, rode scooters around Lahaina, snorkeled in Molokini crater, attempted to paddle surf, and finished out the week with a fantastic surf lesson and luau. I was seriously physically ill when I had to come back to reality. Only because I was totally crushing on this little island called Maui.
Some of the stories that happened will not ever be disclosed outside the "circle of trust", a.k.a. the girls, but suffice it to say there are some things I will definitely remember the rest of my life.
Going on vacay made me a bit reflective. Maybe it's because I finally had time to wind down and look back at the past 5 months of my life? My life is now a total of 24 years, but there's definitely a landmark at the 'five months ago'. If you know me well enough, you will know what that landmark is. I hate that it's a landmark. I hate that it happened. But on the opposite spectrum, I am totally grateful. Grateful for an experience so big, bigger than I ever could have even imagined would happen in my little world, it's made me re-evaluate everything I thought I knew.
While I was a little sentimental one morning, watching the Maui sunrise, I texted the ex. Why, why, why? I asked myself the same thing. I told him I hoped he is getting help. And reminded him of places to turn for help. Probably useless. But I felt like I needed to say it. Our conversation previous to this one ended not-so-peacefully, so I guess I was looking to fix that. And according to the Chinese zodiac, I am a rabbit. I seek for peace in my life. So I have to go with what the Chinese zodiac says......right?
Sometimes I feel guilty, and ask myself if I should have done more. If I should have done more to help the person I had planned on spending the rest of my life with. Mostly because in the same situation, I would hope someone would show me a little mercy. I know I have my own problems and vices, and what makes them different from his? What makes a problem so big it affects a relationship with someone else? Just curious if anyone has any thoughts.
I've always had this theory, well, since the 'landmark', that there are two factors to a person's issues. One, if they are honest about it. Two, how much it affects other people. The ex, sadly, totally dominated both of those factors...not honest, and let it harm quite a few other people. This all could be justification. Or just some deep thinking here.
But to wrap it all up, by texting the ex, and giving some well-wishes, I took a vacation for myself. A vacation from hurt, from anger, from sadness, from frustration with him and myself. By forgiving others we forgive ourselves.
I love Maui.
P.S. Pictures to come soon!
